


the wolves came and went (and we're still standing)

by MaddieandChimney



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Panic Attack, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:41:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26265910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: “Safe?”As much as Maddie fills his heart with so much love, she’s quick to shatter it with that tiny, once seemingly insignificant word.
Relationships: Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27
Collections: Madney One-Shots





	the wolves came and went (and we're still standing)

Chimney can feel his chest tighten as he looks at Maddie, moving to brush some hair from her burning forehead before he sighs. They haven’t been dating long, just a couple of months and it’s the first time he’s looked after her whilst she’s this sick. His teeth bore down harshly on his lip, as he tries to quell the fear that they’re probably going to end up in the Emergency Room if her fever doesn’t break soon.

Even so, that’s the least of his problems, when he sees the way her chest is rapidly rising and falling as her hands try to push his hands away from her body. “I-I’m fine. I’m fine, I promise.” Her body is trembling with such intensity, it causes her voice to waiver and he finally pulls his hands completely away from her. He doesn’t know everything that she went through with Doug, a part of him isn’t sure he wants to sometimes, so completely terrified that he’ll say the wrong thing or he’ll burst into tears in front of her. He knows enough to know there’s trauma there he will never be able to understand, triggers he won’t see coming until it’s too late.

“Maddie, I know you’re not really with me right now but…” He loves her, he’s been certain of that for a long time and he wishes, more than anything, that him loving her was enough. He knows that’s not possible though, and it breaks his heart to see the way her eyes dart around the room as though she’s not in her own apartment right then, avoiding any eye contact with him as though she’s not seeing Chimney right then. “I really need you to breathe, you have to stay calm, alright? Your body can’t handle panicking right now.”

He’s doing everything he can to keep his own voice calm, even if he feels anything but that when he realises his words are having no impact. She has a nasty chest infection, one that had left her coughing all day, with a burning fever and had been struggling to breathe _before_ the panic attack started to settle in the moment he had tried to press a cold compress against her forehead. Maddie moves suddenly to sit up, her grip tight on the bed sheets as she shakes her head, whimpering between phlegm filled wheezing.

He hates it, hates that he can’t do anything to help her other than stand there and pathetically try and hold back his own tears as he scrambles for the right things to say or do. He hates that he knows her body can’t withstand this level of trauma right then, that she’s going to make herself ten times worse than she already was and he just feels so completely and utterly helpless.

There’s an adrenaline rushing through his body that forces him to make his next move that can either go terribly wrong or end up being exactly what she needs from him right then. He weighs up the risk, placing his phone on the side with 911 already pre-dialled just in case he does have to make that decision before he slips into the bed next to her. “Maddie, I’m going to wrap my arms around you now, okay?”

He doesn’t wait for her permission as he so often does, he doesn’t even know if she can register what he’s saying between whimpers of her dead husband’s name and apologies. He can feel the terror pouring from her and it breaks his heart, finally letting his own tears fall when he moves her just enough so he can slip himself awkwardly behind her, his body presses up against the headboard and he pulls her back into his chest, wrapping both arms around her and resting his hands just over her chest, feeling the way her heart so frantically beats against the palm of his hand before he pulls her even closer.

“I know you’re scared right now and I know you’re remembering something I can’t even begin to understand but I need you to know Maddie… I’ve got you, and you’re safe and you’re loved.” He rocks her gently, pressing kisses to any part of her face he can get to as she finally leans back against him. “You’re going to be okay but I need you to breathe for me. I need you to stay with me because your body can’t handle this right now, you need—I really need you to breathe for me. I know you’re scared but I am, too…. I’m terrified right now, Maddie… Mads, sweetheart…”

He doesn’t know who is shaking more between him and Maddie but her breathing is slowing, harsh coughs following instead before a hand reaches out behind her to rest on his cheek, “Howie?” Her voice is a whimper, uncertain, as though she’s reminding herself who she’s really with right then but she can’t bring herself to look, just in case.

He’s all too quick to nod his head, moving his face to press an open-mouthed kiss to the palm of her hand. “It’s me, you’re in your apartment in LA and you’re with me Chim--Howie. I’ve got you.” He wonders if it’s possible to hate himself any more than he does right then, wishing he could have done it all so differently – maybe if he had asked her permission first before pressing the compress to her forehead, or maybe if he hadn’t run his fingers through her hair or pressed a kiss to her nose. Maybe if he had said something differently or—anything, _anything_ other than what he had done to stop her from falling into the panic spiral before he could bring her back.

“Safe?”

As much as Maddie fills his heart with so much love, she’s quick to shatter it with that tiny, once seemingly insignificant word. Chimney takes a deep, trembling breath before he pulls her as close as he possibly can, his hands moving up to pull her hair back from her soaked face from sweat mixed with tears. “Safe, so safe, Maddie. I just want to take care of you, please let me.”

He winces when he realises he’s practically begging his girlfriend to let him do what he does best – give care. But it seems to do the trick when she’s relaxing against him, coughs harshly racking her body seconds later but at least she’s breathing a little easier, her trembling body has relaxed against his own when she nods her head. “M’sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for, you never, ever have to apologise for that.” He wishes he could stop the way the tears trail down his face as he continues to rock her, before he gently hums Islands in the Stream in her ear, partly as a way to distract himself but also, to keep her in the moment with him. It seems, at least on the surface and he hopes deeper than that, too, to do the job as she settles herself against him and allows him to reach over for the previously discarded cold compress.

He only stops in his humming to ask her permission, smiling when she nods her head a little timidly, pressing it to her skin before his hums turn into a soft singing of the very first song they had ever sung together. The tears dry, a small smile on his face when her hand moves to rest against the one he has resting on her chest, thumb brushing along his skin soothingly, a reminder to her, that she’s in her bedroom with Chimney and not back with Doug in Hershey and a reminder to Chimney that she’s settling down, easing into the gentle movements of his rocking, and the feel of the coldness against her forehead, his hand rubbing against her chest in the hopes he can alleviate some of her discomfort.

“You’re okay.” He finally whispers, when the song comes to an end, his lips moving to the back of her head before she lets out a cry.

“Sing it again.” Chimney can’t help the way his smile grows when she talks, all too eager to nod his head and start the song again, his lips leaning a little closer to her ear as he does. And he knows, he would sing the same song a hundred times that night if it meant she was okay, that she was still in the room with him and not lost in some never forgotten memory of everything that had once been with Doug. He’d sing all night if he had to.


End file.
